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Like any teenager I had never had great sex, it had always
been a bit of a hit and miss thing in the back of someones car.
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Like any teenager I had never had great sex, it had always
been a bit of a hit and miss thing in the back of someones car.
When I turned 16 I meet a nice guy called Paul who was working
in my home town, we dated a couple of times and we eventually
ended up back at his place. Which he shared with his brother-in-law,
John. They were in town for six months working on a building
site. Once again there was little to no experience in the
bedroom and being young and shy I was in no position to tell
Paul what I needed.
On the third visit to his room I was very horny and he was stumbling
around, unable to undo my bra and not even getting full undressed.
I was about to give up on him when the door opened and there
was John. He hadn’t realised I was there and had just
gotten back from the local bar. He apologised for barging
in and then just stood there watching.
After a minute he asked Paul to stop, he couldn’t stand
it anymore. Paul climed off me and John moved toward the
bed and asked if I minded he giving Paul a few pointers. I
was shocked and nervous, but very turned on by the whole
idea of being watched and it couldn’t get any worse.
I agreed. Firstly he pulled me up and kissed me softly, my
body responded immediately. He slide his hands under my
shirt and slide it up over my head, then taking my hands he
had me do the same to him. Paul was sitting watching and I
could feel his eyes on my back. John reached around and undid
my bra letting it fall from my shoulders he bent and kissed
my nipple, flicking his tongue across it until it was hard
and raised. He called Paul over and showed him what he was
doing. Then he lay me across the bed and moved up beside me.
Ordering Paul to undress he began to suck and nibble my left
nipple, my eyes closed as I felt the warmth move through
my body. Then I felt Paul begin on the other nipple I moaned
softly. The sensation over taking me. With one hand John
spread my legs and began to softly rub my clit, I had never
experienced anything like it and my body began to move against
his hand as he slowly slide his fingers inside me. John stopped
kissing my breast and moved between my legs he tongue beginning
to explore me, as I moaning and wiggled against him. He then
stopped and told Paul to lay on his back. Pulling me up he
moved me until I was hovering above Pauls cock. It was glistering
with pre-cum then he guided me down holding me from behind
as I began to ride my breasts being held and played with.
Then he got up and watched as I began to come, a first for me.
Taking my breath away. I fell forward and kissed Paul, then
I felt a finger pushing inside me, along with Pauls still
hard cock, John was behind me. He slide his finger out and
across my arse, I was shocked as he slide it inside my arse.
John told me to relax and told me I would enjoy it. As he hadn’t
put me wrong so far I allowed him to continue. He grabbed
my hip and began to rock me against Pauls cock again as he
slide his finger in and out of my arse. My arse of on fire,
but it was strangley exciting. Before I knew what had happened
John had moved behind me and was sliding his cock into my
arse. All three of us moving as one, my cunt and arse fulled
with cock I could bearly breath, the orgasms flowing from
me as I screamed out. Soaking all of us. Finally both Paul
and John moaned as they shot their loads deep inside me.
We colasped onto the bed and slept in each others arms for
a few hours. This was my first of many lessons that John would
give me and Paul.

Ive been toying around with starting a new business emergency
call placement,
I know what youre thinking 911 already exists. Well,
Im not talking about that kind of emergency. Im talking
about the Get-me-the-hell-out-of-here-I-cant-take-any-more-of-this-but-I-cant-just-leave-here-oh-wait-is-that-my-cell-ringing?
kind of emergency. You furrow your brows, protest to the
voice(that may or may not be) on the other end, and then sadly
announce that you must go.
Its clean, simple, story-worthy even. You just got out
of any awful situation. Maybe its a blind date, bad wedding
reception, terrible business lunch.
Or maybe its the cottage weekend from Hell
A friend of mine was recently looking at a blind date with
a friend of a friend.whatever. I suggested the drive-by
to get a look at where the guy lives. If his place is disgusting,
maybe he is too. I offered the emergency phone call to the
cell option being you can play it whatever way you want.
Either you gotta go, or, if things are good, its a wrong
number on your cell!
My friend never needed my call-she decided not to go on
the date, but I still offered my services at a later date.
Wouldnt you know I needed said service recently myself.
An old school chum of mine was opening up her summer cottage
for rental season, but promised to be done by the time I arrived.
I had been there last year, and enjoyed a full week of 35 degree
sunny days and cool nights for sleeping, It rained one day
the day I left. I actually read a book and watched the sunset
every night.then again, it was August.
This time, it was May, and it was freezing. I had on my autumn
leather jacket and I think it would have taken the winter
coat for me to feel warm. Forget about the evenings being
cool for sleeping, the days were cold and the nights were
freezing. It rained three days out of four, the nicest day
was the day I left.
When the weathers no good, and television is non-existent,
you drive around in the rain. Her put-on Toronto accent
started to stab into my brain like an icepick. Shes from
the Maritimes originally how can you ever lose that convincingly?
Want to rent a movie sounded more like Wahnna rent a meww-vee?
Gee, Im sorry, I didnt realize you lived in Upper Canada
long enough to forget your New Brunswick roots and talk
like some La-La-Land wannabe. By the way, Vancouvers
a little more West than you.
Bad enough I had to endure that, but theres the whole lets
be a tourist thing that drives me insane.
The landscape is rugged, the little towns are cute.
Lets go to a church supper! Lets go to a ceilidh! Lets
have some lobster!
Lets all puke together.
Thats what happens when you actually have to talk to someone
those hot August days are fleeting memories. Youre stuck
in the car as the rain beats down on the windshield not warm
enough for the A/C, not cold enough for the heat. Youre
sweating funny five minutes into a thirty minute drive.
Dont get me started on the rug hooking place, the antique
shops, the visitor information booths. I am not ready to
be a tourist, its only May for cripes sakes!
All I wanted was to relax, hang out for a few days, my Victoria
Day weekend a week later. It didnt happen. Instead I was
driving around in search of those August days, lamenting
the fact that the cell coverage was nill. Why didnt I set
up the emergency call, tell them to call the cottage phone
just in case? Alas it didnt happen.
And so on the final night, she asks her most annoying question
of the whole weekend.
Tell me a story, she said, you must know one of those
Maritime ghost stories or something.
Thats right, every one of us play the fiddle, dance a jig,
and live in cute little houses in cute little towns kinda
like the one you used to live in till you went away and melded
into the sidewalk.
Cmon, tell me a story, she said.
Ill tell you a story, I began, as I went off to bed. Next
time Ill have an emergency call every six hours with all
available numbers on file. Wait, better make it three hours.
Im leaving tomorrow at ten oclock in the morning,
I began, that enough of a story for you?

Mary Anne Eckhardt pressed her face against the shuttle’s
view port, in an attempt to see the approaching ship. It
was huge, a long silver arrow lying dormant in space with
many silver bugs swarming around it.
“Wow, it’s big, ” Mary said in awe. Her
breath steamed up the view port and she lost her view of the
ship. Rather than wiping it off, she sighed and turned to
the crisp young ensign sitting next to her. He looked even
more apprehensive than she was.

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Main Entry: indecency
Pronunciation: (”)in-’dE-s&n(t)-sE
Function: noun
Date: 1589
1 : the quality or state of being indecent
2 : something (as a word or action) that is indecent

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Prof. of Economics: Kiss is that thing for which the demand
is always higher.
Prof. of Accountancy: Kiss is a credit because it is profitable
when returned.
Prof. of Algebra: Kiss is infinity because two divided
by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: Kiss is the shortest distance between
two lips.
Prof. of Physics: Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to
the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: Kiss is the reaction of the interaction
between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.
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The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls”. I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!”
Well, the hours passes and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3AM, a
bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in
the hall started and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would
probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for
coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in
order escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me
what time I got home and I told him “Midnight.” He didn’t seem pissed off at
all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock,”
when I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times,
then said “oh shit,” cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s throat, cuckooed
another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the
coffee table and farted.”

The Chauffeur

After getting all of Pope John Paul’s luggage loaded
into the
limo, and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices
that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

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