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Dear ?????

Before I begin let me say I have deleted all of the texts on my phone and all of the numbers associated so I am unable to text or phone you, or Wayne/David.
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CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes,
it is idling smoothly. She says, “What’s the
story?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

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So I was out last saturday as usual with my buddies. We live
in a small town in a normal european country. Hanging out
at our regular place one of my buddies bursts out “is’nt
that that babe who hosts that tv show on fridays”. We all
look over and it is, I saw her on tv myself just the day before.
And she was very good looking…We all must have been starring
pretty dumbly cause she turned over and gave us a glance
and a little somthing like a smile. It turned out that she was hired
to work in the bar for the evening so as the evening passed we kind of
found the natural place to be beeing the bar kind of just where she
was working trying to order every single time. After some background
research I happend to find out that she likes a special kind of
tequila and of course I started to buy her shots of it, and starangely
she accepted. We all are able to exchange a few words every now and
then but we could not remember her name, the issue comes up the whole
evening. I have to say that I am nither handsome or a good talker so
I was pretty impressed that she was talking to me at all.
Anyway we are all sitting in the bar and it was getting late,
the place was getting ready to close up and I get up to hit
the loo, I stand up and think to myself that strangely I had’nt
been down there all evening. As I stand up they turn down
the music and suddenly we were able to talk in a regular tone.
Stepping down the stairs to the loo I hear a wonderful voice
asking me “Where are you going?” I just pointed at the door
to the bathroom and she responded walking down the stairs
and whispered in my ear “I was waiting for that” I whispered
“why” back, suddenlly not even considering peeing nothing
but a liter of cum over her breasts, she steps back and makes
sure there is a lock on the door, walks in and makes that little
sign with her pointing finger to make her company.
“Miracles does happend” and I watch her show every friday thinking of
that amount of cum I sprayed all over her breasts, not knowing her
name.

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You Might Be A Minnesotan if….

Weather is 80% of your conversation
“Down South” to you means Iowa.
Snow tires came standard on your car.
You have no concept of public transportation
You know more than 1 person that has hit a deer
“Perkins” was a popular hangout option in high
school
You get mad at people who think Fargo is in Minnesota
School classes have been cancelled because of snow/cold
You assume when you say “The Cities” people
know where you’re referring to.
You have tried boiled fish in lye at Christmas
You know what “uff-da” means and how to use it
properly in a sentence
You’ve licked frozen metal
You own an ice house, a snowmobie, and a 4-wheel drive vehicle
You wear shorts when it’s 50 degrees outside in March,
but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60
When you talk about the “opener” you are not
talking about cans
You have gone Trick-or-Treating in 3 feet of snow
You know what the word SPAM stands for
You carry jumper cables in your car
You drink “POP”, not “SODA”
Everyone you know has a cabin
You say ’supper’ instead of ‘dinner’
In a conversation, you heard someone say “Yah sure,
you betcha” and you didn’t laugh
Your state pays a bounty for killing the state mascot
You consider it a sport to drill through 18 inches of ice
and sit there all day hoping food will swim by
You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it
isn’t worth taking them off for only two months
You are proud that your state makes the national news 96
nights each year because International Falls is the coldest
spot in the nation
You like to come in out of the sun when the temperature gets
above 72
Your Dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the
middle of his forehead
You believe that REAL vehicles have skis in front and a loud
motor under your seat
You like theWinter Olympics better then the Summer Olympics
You’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time
Your town has an equal number of bars and churches, or more
bars than churches.
You have ever had an entire telephone conversation with
someone who dialed the wrong number
You consider Lime Jello a higly versatile food: a breakfast
dish when it’s filled with fruit, a salad when is has
shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert
when topped with Cool Whip
You never had to rewind any part of “Fargo” because
you missed some of the dialogue
You always believed that vacation meant “going up
north”
Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable,
or ethnic food
You thought “Grumpy Old Men” was a documentary
You believe that bitter cold, a slippery surface and speed
go together in both sports and on the interstate
You think that 20 below is cool, 40 below is getting cold,
and 60 below ain’t bad if there’s no windchill
When people ask what you do in Minnesota in the summer, you
reply, “Well, if it falls on the weekend we go up to
the lake”
You always make sure you have a can of cream of something
soup in the cupboard just in case you need to make a hot dish
for the church potluck
You know people that have more fishing poles than teeth

Meg

About half an hour after Meg arrived in the office at Pacific
Fleet Intelligence on Monday, she checked her e-mail.
As the waiting mail list scrolled down the screen, she noticed
a message from Carl. She went directly to the message. He
would be arriving at Hickam Air Force Base shortly before
noon on Thursday; he had managed to snag three days of leave,
enroute to a Temporary Duty assignment in Australia. She
felt like jumping up and shouting ‘hallelujah!’
But that would be inappropriate behavior for the office.
Even though she was a ’short-timer’– she expected
orders to a new duty station within a month, there was a dignity
to uphold.
Then Meg read the rest of the message. Carl had arranged
for them to stay in the new vacation cottages near Nohili
Point at the Barking Sands Military Reservation on Kauai.
He had included a telephone number and asked Meg to contact
Matilda Kalikimaka at Barking Sands to confirm these reservations;
apparently, there was a local requirement that someone
confirm them on active duty in the islands.
She was baffled. What was he thinking of? Damn it! It had
been thirteen months since he had been transferred back
to the mainland. For thirteen months, she hadn’t seen
him. For thirteen long months, she’d had to practice
the art of unisex.
They could easily have gotten a cottage at Barber’s
Point here on Oahu.
Beautiful beach there. The sand didn’t ‘bark, ‘
but it was less than 30 minutes from Hickam; they could drive
to Barber’s Point and back to Hickam in her car on their
own schedule. Going to Barking Sands required scheduled
Inter- Island air transport, a half hour’s flight,
a rental car, and perhaps an hour’s worth of driving
on Kauai. What a waste of time that could be otherwise used!
Carl had done it again. That man was infuriating, at times.
Obviously he had a reason, but he hadn’t let her in on
it. He really took ‘need-to-know’ to an extreme.
He liked to keep secrets; he liked to surprise her. Meg fumed
silently; if she were neutered, would she still love him
this much? Damn it.
Why couldn’t she be like Heinlein’s Friday? Able
to treat sex as a natural act like eating? Able to go to bed
with whomever was available? Regardless of gender? It
would be so much more convenient than to be hung up on one
man.
Well, she had to admit that Carl had pulled a nearly impossible
deal, getting leave on his Temporary Duty orders. And,
even though they were engaged, there as no law that he had
to take his leave with her. She whipped out a leave request,
filled in the blanks, and headed for the division officer’s
office.
Lieutenant Commander Berriol looked at the request and
then at Meg, “Rather short fuze on this request, Sloan,
isn’t it?”
“Yes, sir!” came the prompt reply. “I
just got word on my friend’s orders a few minutes ago.”
Berriol had long been wondering why Sloan had taken no leave
since a year ago September; young officers, on their first
tour of duty in Hawaii often ended up running out of earned
leave. But not Sloan. Now he understood: the ‘Ice Queen’
actually did have a boy friend; her rumored engagement
was a fact. She had been saving leave for a ’special
occasion.’ He smiled inwardly. Let the bachelors
in the office eat their hearts out.
Sloan was going to get her leave. She was one of his best analysts:
she liked to work, she worked hard, she did excellent analyses,
she would be gone in a few months. But he wanted to appear
reluctant; other officers in the division might get the
idea that leave would be routinely approved on short notice.
He spoke loudly enough that those eavesdropping from the
outer office could hear, “What’s the status
on your reports?”
“I’ll be staying late tonight and have the summary
on the new Russian overhead surveillance satellite on
your desk by close of business tomorrow. I can come in on
Sunday to finish up the analysis on the new Russian Pacific
Fleet anti- submarine organization for Monday’s
brief.”

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So there I was, well-off, divorced and bitter on what would
have been my 21st wedding anniversary. After work, I went
to the university library to pick up materials and bumped
into Desi. She noticed I was down in the dumps and suggested
we go to her place and have a drink, then go out to dinner or
something. What the hell, I thought, it could be worse,
so I said yes. As is so often the case in Hawaii, it was a gorgeous
day and the evening with its full moon was promising to be
equally as gorgeous. Desi, as it turned out, sort of lived
at home, but only sort of. Her megabucks parents had some
sort of estate-type abode a la the set-up in “Magnum,
PI” and Desi was living in a guest house on the property.
She was getting ready to move into Honolulu proper though,
she said, as the drive from the house to the university was
tedious. Her place was spacious and pretty posh, complete
with private beach. This way, she explained, she could
entertain her friends and her parents could entertain
theirs, and no one was the wiser. I sat outside while Desi
made a pitcher of some of the strongest Pina Coladas I’d
ever had. I downed two like they were soft drinks, and Desi
laughed and said I needed to be careful, as the drinks would
go straight to my head. “Damn, Desi, I’d rather
they went somewhere else, if you know what I mean!”
I retorted, thinking of all the sex I had been missing. “Hey,
honey, don’t be upset, you’ll find someone else.
It takes time, ” she said, and sat next to me, rubbing
my back. Sipping another Colada, I explained to her how
absolutely worthless my husband had made me feel while
we were getting our divorce and how nasty he was to the present
day when we had to have business dealings with each other.
“Baby, I think you need some serious “me”
time, ” Desi said, and continued to rub my back and
shoulders. “Maybe you’re right, Des, but who’s
going to be interested in an old broad like me?” I sighed
and stared at the water, feeling incredibly sorry for myself.
So sorry, in fact, that I didn’t noticed Desi’s
hands lightly moving over my throat, collarbone and breasts.
She skillfully unbuttoned my blouse and put a graceful
hand on the lace bra I was wearing. This felt good, but I was
still sunk in self-pity. Desi got my bra open, which I barely
registered, then started massaging my breasts. My nipples
immediately stood at attention. Desi smiled and bent down
to put her lips to them, nuzzling and sucking, licking and
tweaking. Now I took notice, but did nothing to stop her.
Those Coladas had done their work, namely bring down the
resistance barriers. I felt paralyzed and didn’t
dare move, lest the moment end. Desi kept licking and sucking
my breasts, and I could feel myself getting wet Down There.
As if she had telepathy, Desi’s hand slid under my skirt
to my thong and moved the fabric aside to check my wetness.
“Hmmm, baby, you seem to like this, don’t you?”
she asked. I was speechless, and could only nod. I still
don’t know how she did it, but Desi managed to get me
naked in seconds, and lying down on the chaise longue. As
she continued her work on my breasts, her fingers were playing
with my pussy. I felt her touch my clit and I inhaled sharply.
Dammmmn, that felt good. She started stroking and tugging,
like a guy jerking off. Then she put a finger or two into my
pussy, and started teasing my clit again. Well, I hadn’t
had sex for going on 18 months by this time, and kinda drunk
or not, I was not expecting this treatment. I climaxed in
what must have been a minute, spluttering and gasping and
panting. When I opened my eyes, I saw Desi lying next to me,
smiling happily. “Boy, Baby, you came quick! Let’s
hope you take a little longer next time!” she said.
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