Feb
27
Choices
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The world is a complicated place. Now, I know with that one
line, those six words, I lost some of my audience. There
is an extremely good possibility that you, dear reader,
are thinking something like: Youre born, you live, you
die. Whats so complicated? or The world is simple; survival
of the fittest. Or you may have another one of dozens of
hackneyed clichs that attempt to simplify this beautiful
blue rock. True, many of the rules that govern the physical
and behavioral aspects of the world are relatively simple.
The food chain, the law of conservation of energy, inertia:
all these concepts are basically simple examples of the
cosmic constitution that keeps the animals moving and
the planet spinning. And they are not that difficult to
understand. Take inertia for instance: objects in motion
tend to stay in motion unless affected by an outside source;
objects at rest tend to stay at rest unless affected by an
outside force. Fairly simplistic, happens to work.
Feb
26
Cellular Ten Commandments
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Failure to obey these commandments can result in your being
ridiculed by strangers and disassociated by your family
and even your closest friends.
Feb
26
Catholic School Girls and Saint Peter
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One tragic day a bus load of Catholic school girls get blind
sided, instantly killing all inside. Being, more or less,
good Catholic girls they find themselves in line at the
Pearly Gates before Saint Peter.
“Before I let you into Heaven my angels, I have but
one question for you. Answer honestly and you may pass into
the Kingdom of Heaven!”
The first in line, Anne Margaret, shyly steps up to Saint
Peter.
“Child, the question I have is have you ever touched
a penis?”
“Well, Saint Peter, honestly there was this one time
that I sort of brushed by one with just my little pinkie.
I never held it or anything!” she gushed.
“Place you pinkie in this bowl of Holy Water, say two
Hail Mary’s and you can pass my child.”
Anne Margaret did so and the line moved forward, positioning
the next girl at the front.
“Same question to you my dear - have you ever touched
a penis?”
The next girl in line, blushing, admits that yes, she did
once briefly hold one in her hand. Saint Peter admonishes
her, tells her to place her whole hand into the water, say
five Hail Marys and she too may pass. About this time there
is a commotion from the middle of the line, and Mary Margaret,
knocking other girls out of the way, comes barelling to
the front of the line.
“My child, what is all this commotion?” Saint
Peter implores.
“Well I’ll tell ya Saint Petey. If I’m gonna
have to gargle this water here, I want to do it before Theresa
there stickes her ass in it!”
Feb
26
catholic school girls
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A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they
all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly
gates pass St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, “Gloria, have you ever
had contact with a penis?” She giggles and shyly replies,
“Well I once touched with the tip of my finger…”
St. Peter says, “Ok, dip the tip of your finger in the
holy water and pass through the gates.”
